Crystal's Site

Well,  John got released from the doctor yesterday to go back to work.......and so today he has gone to see what they have to give him......they had packages for everyone at the meeting they had, but he wasn't released yet........so we dont know what is going to transpire.......got Alley some shorts for school and went by to see the baby that Ashley had.......he's a pretty little boy!  Went by John's moms and got some purple hull peas........you should have seen us all last night shelling them LOL.....family thing it was.......

The alarm went off this morning and woke me up too soon.......John set it so he could go in early and do whatever it is he's going to do......so I guess he's officially laid off and another day begins.......

I wish I had profound things to say or some interesting story.......but I dont you guys.  Not today........not lately as a matter of fact......

Supposed to have living water flowing up out of me ya know?  But any spiritual things going on with me right now are the kind that happen on the inside mostly the kind that take place in silence.......like watching concrete dry LOL........I've been here before.....much worse than this......when I was pregnant with Alley and having to leave Mississippi because I got kicked out and had no real way to support myself.  It was quiet time between God and I then.  I'm not gonna knock it because I know what it produced in my life.....sometimes the top of the plant is growing and you can see it with your eyes and marvel at it.......and sometimes the root is growing ever so much deeper to the source that sustains it......I guess my root is growing......

hope you all have a good day.......

Morning all.......Lady Belle woke me up early.....as usual......she dont think I should sleep past seven......this thing on my bum is no bigger than a kernal of corn and not getting any bigger.......I put witch hazel on it at intervals and keep hoping for the best.

Well, today John goes back to the doctor......I dont look forward to making that trip in the least......but I guess we need to get it over with.......

I'm thinking about my mom this morning but I dont want to blog about it......I've blogged about it enough......same with Robin.......blogged about that enough too.  I do wonder how they are doing.....I hope ok......surely they are doing ok.......mom should be getting close to surgery on her knee soon if she told Michelle the truth about when it was going to be.....

I spent about the whole day yesterday watching preaching.......I went to church yesterday morning.......I like the church and the preacher but I've gotten so used to some of the preachers on TV till a country preacher just dont seem the same to me really......his message was about old time religion and the theme for the whole church was Jeremiah and some of the warnings he gave about the coming captivity from Babylon and the promise of the Christ to come......I can tell these folks are very much traditionalists and I have no idea how a testimony like mine would be received.  Traditional christians would never believe you could live the lifestyle I did and Christ still walk with you in spite of it......I dont know.......one thing I DO know is that churches are made up of people and I doubt seriously I will find a perfect church.  I'm not even sure what I want out of a church to be honest with you.  I dont need a badge of honor from society because I'm there all the time.....I dont need to confess anything to men because I've already confessed to Christ.....I dont really know what I want out of a church.......this little church does a lot of trips with the youth........I do know that........more than the others in town......I dont know if I'd go for that with my kids but then again........well.......I dont know......

Shoot, I'm still tired........I think I'm going to go lay down on the couch and catch a catnap.......I'm likely going to have to drive today.......for someone who wants to be  a truck driver John sure has been having me do all the driving lately.......hope you all have a good day.

Good morning........Ashley had her baby last night.......healthy little boy and all is well.  We were going to go to the hospital today but I'm thinking I'll put it off and see him Tuesday at home.......she named him Lyndon Blaine.........not a bad name for the little guy.......

I'm studying on whether I'm going to church this morning......I most likely will just to get out of the house and see how those folks are doing......

Tried to listen to some good Bible study last night and the kids and John kept trying to talk to me LOL.......seems like they flock me when I do that for some reason.....but I did hear Charles Stanley uninterrupted and it was a good sermon about not tolerating false teachers and how to recognize one when you meet them.  The only thing he said I have to ponder about it this business about different interpretations of the Bible.......that if they say there are different ways to interpret it, then they are a false teacher........the mandates in the Bible I have to agree with him there, but when it comes to prophecy I dont know........I tend to think there are different interpretations and dont view people as trying to lead folks astray just because of that.  Then I was trying to listen to Les Feldick and he does a lot of prophecy teaching and that's when I got so interrupted......Pastor Joe was on and trying to say you dont have the Holy Spirit unless it's evidenced by tongues........I changed him real quick like......I dont believe that and Paul doesn't teach it......

Anyway..........I guess I'm going to go to church this morning.......my brood is sleeping and likely they will still be sleeping when I get back home LOL.....I should take the kids with me, I know.....but I'm still checking the church out and I dont make them go to church because God is in the house here too.......it's not the only place they would hear about Him......

Yesterday I started feeling better about everything again......I keep having moments where I dont then I do.......our mortgage people sent us a new payment book with somewhat lower payments to help us through this.......I guess since John paid more than the payment for a while then they readjusted everything according to that and well, it will help......I'm glad they are trying to help us......and John got his packet about truck driving school......

Him being a truck driver, if he was local, would be ok with me.......but I dont want him over the road.......I would miss him terribly and I dont know how folks make it when they drive over the road what with paying lumpers and tolls and eating out every meal.......when the ex and I tried it, we didn't have money to pay bills.  My sister and her husband do fine........but they are a team though......plus they haul a flatbed, no lumpers involved in that....

Shoot......the sun is shining anyway........yep it is.......and I'm going to go get my shower and get dressed and go to church I guess.......hope you all have a good day.

I feel like whistling today........I dont know how to whistle, but buddy if I did you'd all be in for it LOL........the house is cool this morning and I've already cleaned where Lady Belle got sick this morning.......she woke me up just to alert me to this little problem......sweet!  And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking..

Well shoot......we got whoopi thinking she's smart as a whip and whatever her name is on the view panel thinking she's so smart too......I read a blog about that n-word show, can you tell?...........looooong pause.........."We took BACK the word!"  Give me a break.......if my kids hear them say the word and then ask me about it I have to say, "It's a BAD word we dont use it."  Then they say, "But they do, why cant we?" And I have to explain the whole thing about slavery and mistreatment of black people....it's only a way to keep the curve going K?!  When and if my kids ask me why black people can use it and they cant, I'm going to tell them.......only STUPID black people use it, educated and well raised ones DONT!

Then there is this trip Obama is taking to the "war zone" and he's invited a human shield of reporters to accompany him so he dont get his arse shot off ROFLOL  He wants to make double dog sure he's got protection LOL  I bet when they potty trained him he had to have a spotlight in the bathroom!  At the very least a set of drums!  *Shaking head*  the man is a drama queen!  He is a black paris hilton......

Shoot, McCain does something like that and it's all in a day's work......no big ta-do about it.......he just goes and does it.......like putting on his pants in the morning.  Obama does it and it's such a BIG DEAL!  For pity's sake!  I just cant wait until he's over there neither........the news will be all abuzz about it.......if he wants to impress me he's going to have to walk through a firefight unarmed to the other side and get them to toast marshmellows over an open fire and sing Kum-ba-ya with him and get THEM to stop the fighting.....he claims he can negotiate his way out of anything, lets see him do it!  (Think we could talk him into taking Whoopi with him?)  I know, I know, I sound rascist again......dang it........she can tell them how they can take the term jihadist back and he can teach them how to get health care out of those sheiks they work for...........hey!  It could happen!

Ya'll, I'm gonna go before I get myself into trouble on here this morning.......I'm in a REALLY weird mood!

Well.......I think my shot is getting into my system......tis a good thing I'm here to tell you!  watched a movie tonight........."Bridge to Terabithia"........it was a really good movie......especially for kids.....I'm feeling better.......still lost as a goose but better.

Rhonda talked about we might be having to change mountains and now Cindy has done gone and done a blog about having to leave your nest.......folks, I LIKE where I am and it is my nest.......I hope I'm not gonna have to move on or out or any of those things......and if that WAS to happen I would want it to be a step up the ladder and not a leap of faith......know what I mean vern?  ah well, if this is the devil at work I just figure no weapon formed against us shall prosper and I'm gonna leave it at that, that came from a sermon I heard today........and I'm holding onto it.....anyway......

Monday we go to the doc and if he releases John, then it's unemployment line the next day I suppose.......things dont seem so bleak today though.......thank the Lord for that shot......He knew what He was doing when He let me go crazy LOL......

I tried to drink coffee and watch that movie tonight but Paige got up in my lap and wiggled too much to drink coffee LOL......then at the pinnacle point of the movie Jen calls so I had to concentrate both on what she was saying plus on the movie, it was difficult but I think I pulled it off.....that ALWAYS happens to me when I'm watching a movie.......someone interrupts at the most important part LOL.......ah well......such is life.......if I'm supposed to gain some sort of insight into something because of that I dont know what it is..........I'm oblivious......

I need to go do teefies and meds and vitamins for the kids.......maybe put myself to bed......

Did I tell you there is a crow's head in the backyard?  And a flurry of feathers in the storage shed?  Micky-D got sick this morning so I dont know if he ate the crow or if Lady Belle acquired the thing.......in any case......the kids all had to go take a look at it you know.......Lady Belle killed a kitten I think last week or earlier this week sometime.....I think she was trying to play with it.......it was intact but dead.......John buried it......Lady dug it up, he buried it again.....she is a town dog and is acting like a farm dog dang it........she gets out of the yard and puts herself back in the fence.  She's definitely got her own thing going in the personality department there.....I dont like dead things in the back yard......and I dont know a dawg worth their salt that dont think dead stuff makes for perfect perfume.......I dont know what I'm going to do with her......

Well, I'm gonna go do this mommy stuff and then take myself to the bed dang it and get up and do laundry tomorrow and hang out in the quiet and who knows?  Maybe I'll get some inspiration of some sort or another......likely not......my brain is running real fast in a fixed position........."What are we gonna do George?  What are we gonna do?!"  Talk about the emergency brake!  Have a good night or day.....

howdy......went and got my shot today and got groceries while I was at it....seems I've put on the seven pounds I lost so that was good.....I got back home and took a nap.

Monday I have to take John to see his doctor and I guess they will release him for work and then he will I guess be officially laid off and needing to go sign up for unemployment and whatever else he's going to do....I didn't even feel that shot this morning.......it was like I didn't even get one at all.....I checked for blood on my bandaid to make sure she gave me a shot.......

I got Ashley some newborn diapers......a bunch of them......and a few shirts for her little girl.......I got Alley some short sleeved shirts too........she didn't have any.....well, she's grown you know?

Well, I have had a boil or a rizen come up.......I aint telling you where......usually I can witch hazel those things away when that happens, which is seldom....we'll see.  I'm not happy about that.......I hear eating raisins will help keep those away......I have some of them.......I guess I can try it after the fact.......grrrrrr......I have no idea when school will be starting at all.......and I'm dreading having a routine again.....but it's a necessary evil I suppose......I wish I didn't feel so flat right now.......it's too hot to go and do anything......Alley about passed out on them when they went to the indian village thingy here in town......she just about passed out and when she came inside from looking for arrowheads she told John she couldn't see.......he cooled her off in the bathroom and they got her some water and hustled her home.........she was ok but it was close call......she wasn't really dressed right for staying in the heat.  I thought they were just going to sluice for rocks and do the trail and the gift shop.  I'd have made her change had I known they were going to spend all that time outside.

Well, I'm gonna go and see what I can find on tv or else do laundry or something, make me some coffee and try to get some input going into my head.......hope you all have a good weekend!

Well, I keep reading Lisa's blogs and she's freaking me out......(Lisa, you're freaking me out!)  All this talk about the economy going sour.......having no food to live off of, needing to stock up on the essentials.......believe me.......if I was rich man by now I'd have a house built into the side of a tall mountan with parking garage on top, with windmills to create electricity and pump my water and with thermal heating and cooling capabilities, my own seperate septic tank and a nice garden near the garage and it would all be self sufficient without needing any utitlitiy company in the world to tell me what it costs this month........I would have some sort of satellite.....I hear there is one you pay for one time and it works from then on.......not a monthly bill and I would have satellite internet and I would be watching the world from behind a sheet of plexi-glass that makes up the side of my house all the time and I'd be impregnable practically........but ..........I'm not at rich man ya know?  I have like, a tent......a pitiful tent not designed for winter months and I dont know how to treat hides to make a good tent that IS designed for winter months.......my house is in town and easily accessable.......I'm on medication that you just cant find out in the wild and without it I might as well be locked up in a concentration camp somewhere ya know?  I dont even own an ax people......to chop up firewood.....my resources amount to a husband who's been in scouts and knows a thing or two about the woods and an ex husband who knows this area in the woods like the back of his hand and has been in the military and is very creative in the arena of self protection.....put them two together and we might could hide a whole month from the powers that be, at least until my meds wore off and I gave us away because of some sort of delusion that cropped up in my mind......I wouldn't last long anyway.......my illness makes me not sleep or eat and I weigh 98 lbs already.......they'd be burying me in no time at all without my meds or else spending all their precious time trying to get me to do things my body just assumes is not necessary......haldol is a prescription drug.....one cannot hoard haldol........one cannot secretly acquire haldol......one cannot give herself her own shot ya know?  Haldol has to be kept in room temperature and cant get too hot.

Cutting to the chase, if Lisa's right........I'm screwed......totally screwed......therefore it follows that she just CANT be right.......that's my story and I'm sticking to it....trying to fight the powers that be?  Without factories to keep you in bullets?  You can only do so much ya know?

Shoot........then I hear about Al Gore and this crap he keeps talking about the average american needing to take responsibility for his own carbon footprints....I'm so sick of al gore......if the government REALLY wanted to reduce all this stuff and really felt it was THAT bad, they'd make solar panels as cheap as shingles and they'd find a way to reduce the cost of the batteries to store it all and the systems to do that, especially on government facilities and they'd get on the ball with it......as it is all they do is talk a lot of talk and let gas prices soar and the talk justifies the cost of the gas......I'm sick of them making excuses to line their pockets and doing absolutely NOTHING to help the common people live comfortably......it's all a bunch of bull hockey and if it wasn't, they'd put their money where their mouth is.......to preserve a way of life.......

Then this crap with Obama saying he thinks we need a civilian force much like the military.......and my guess is he would recruit them from Louis Farrakan right?!  Seeing as how he has all this "compassion" for crack heads who've been locked up for coke.  He wants to reduce the sentences on crack instead of increasing the sentences on powder coke........probably he would want to let these prisoners vote next too......I'm just sick of what I see in this country going on and in the world in general.......I'm sick of people wanting to kill in the name of Allah and insulted that they try to say it's the same God I worship when nothing about it is the same, NOTHING......I'm sick of being told I'm intolerant when I'd never kill anyone over what I believe or what they dont......telling someone they are heading to hell is NOT going to kill them.......it MIGHT get their attention, but it AINT going to kill them, I'm sick of CEO's making tons of money for figuring out how NOT to pay employees better and how to cut out jobs to save money when we have to work so hard to feed a family and knowing that ONE of those guy's bonuses drawing interest in a bank for me would take care of my family for years to come!  I'm sick and tired of hearing about Ellen and her upcoming marriage to some tart who shows clothes off all day and makes a lot more money doing that than my husband makes working his butt off in a factory and actually CONTRIBUTING something to society.....I'm sick of hero worship of movie stars and idiots thinking they are smarter than everyone simply because they know how to play pretend on camera real good and jump out of the way of a planned explosion or two and get married three times a year......I'm so sick and tired of society in general until I could flat puke.......last night I was thinking how TIRED I am of this world........how sick and tired I really am of it.......I'm tired of the struggle and of having to rely on the stupid money system to have anything and I'm tired of richie rich trying to figure out how too keep what they have and not caring about people like us.......I'm tired of the stupid race debate........ok, I was born white, someone else was born black........GET OVER IT!  I'm sick and tired of hearing preachers say that if you send them money God is going to make you rich because of it.....I can bet you if I asked them for the money to pay off my house I'd get a card in the mail that laughs at me when I open it!  And it wouldn't take much to pay off my house neither and assure me a place to live for the rest of my life!  I've seen watches on some of these guys that would have paid off my house had they sent me the money and worn a cheap watch!  It's all enough to make me want to draw the curtains and hide for the next twenty years or so and then see if anything makes any sense whatsoever when I look outside again.....

I'm sick of seeing the body of Christ struggle and seeing others who dont give God a second thought, much less reverence or respect having it so easy.....I know someone who has their house paid for and all their bills and if I try to talk to them about God it's time to get off the phone.......I've NEVER had it that easy......my life depends on John having a job and not just ANY job to cover phone bill and gas money, we have the whole ball of wax to deal with and I have three kids depending on it.....I'm just sick of everything today........and to be honest I want to ask the Lord what is going on and why He allows it to be that way........why doesn't He bless those who praise His name more abundantly than those who are so indifferent to Him?  Seems like the only thing a sinner understands is wealth.......hey, it was good enough for Abraham and David and Solomon right?  but I know I dont measure up to them.......I dont even measure up to my own expectations of what I should be.......I dont deserve a thing.  I gotta quit looking at that curve.......ya know?  Why cant the rapture just happen in the next five minutes and let all the materialistic, devil minded people just HAVE it all to themselves?!  I dont really want more than I need.......but seems like the haves dont want the have nots to have a thing!  I cant rant and rave about this out loud......I cant let the kids hear me.......but it dont stop me thinking it......

on a lighter note........Jesse got some new shoes.....on the commercial for them they show that they make you fly........well.......he put them on today and tried them out, then he tells me just now......."Mom, I dont understand"  and I say, "Understand what Jesse?"  he says, "I dont understand these dont make you fly"  LOL.......thanks mr. commercial man for misleading my child so I'd spend forty five bucks for some shoes he cant even fly with them on......he's pretty disgusted........he and I have something in common right now.......all your life you hear how hard work will reward you....then you see some tart in hollyweird or on the runway dressed in almost nothing making more money than a factory worker who sweats the day away on a regular basis.  Jess just got his first indication of this type of mentality......

Did I ever tell you about my tithing experiment?  I tried it and John almost got laid off last time......I tithed again and he got wrote up.......mind you, I dont really have the money to just do that all the time......my kids go without clothes they could use or something......the next time I talked about tithing John asks me, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME FIRED?!"  And on tv I hear these preachers promising lots of money coming your way if only you will sow into their ministry.......LOL.......I dont know, my faith is still intact for some durned reason.......in God.....not in preachers........and I wasn't tithing to get rich anyway.........I only was doing it because I felt led too.  It was funny, when I didnt' do it when John told me not too he hurt his back and I told him as I was putting his shoes on, "At least I didn't TITHE, you cant blame THIS one on God!"  LOL.......the truth is, if I tithed all the rest of my life I'd still be in arrears for all the time I haven't up to now......I cant out give God.......

I think about John the Babtist and how he lived.......the devil didn't have a whole lot he could do to ol' John now was there?  Couldnt affect him in the least until the man went to town and talked bad about how the queen was living.....and I also think about the first church and how everyone sold all they had and they lived communal style having everything in common and none doing without.......we'd call that socialism today wouldn't we?  The problem today is sin guys........it's sin......no one person can be in control like that of all the goodies without trying to take extra for themselves.......I'm just not very tough, that's all there is too it......not very tough at all.  I keep asking God not to try to make a Job of me, I dont want to be tested, I want to be blessed and I want the same for my babies......and my husband......yes, sometimes I do question God.......I cant help it, it's the human in me........Daddy, whatcha doin'?  Daddy, why's it gotta be like this?  Daddy, why does good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people?  Daddy, when you gonna come get me?  Your house is better than this one Daddy......Daddy, why do they act like that?  Daddy, do I really deserve this?  Where are you Daddy?  Arent you listening?  I know you are Daddy, I just KNOW you are.......but I cant hear you Daddy........I'm scared.......that's how I feel.......and then I just have to say, Daddy, I gotta trust you because who else can I trust Daddy?  No one else cares......and then I cry........

I'm not so strong all the time.......sometimes the devil tells me.......see?! its all true, there is no God......and I tell him "Yes there is" and the devil tells me, if there was then why are things like they are?  And I say because too many people listen to you that's why.....

People I feel like I'm drowning intermittently here.....and God is the only life preserver I have.......and I cant holler for help too loudly.....I dont want to panic the kids.....I dont want them to see me doubt.......the devil wants them too......I know he does.......the whole world is full of spiritual warfare today and the weapons are a dime a dozen......and there is a reason God said the just shall live by faith.....not faith in money, not faith in humans, not faith in oneself, but faith in HIM......with what shall we adorn ourselves?  Shall we adorn ourselves with unbelief?  No......I love the Lord.  I dont know where this is all going.......I feel like I'm fumbling around in the dark.......but the last time I felt that way you should have seen where I was when the light came on!  Man!  It was amazing!  I just cannot doubt God.  I cant do it.....I can question......but I cant doubt.....He's never led me astray........never......the devil has numerous times......shucks........I dont even know what I was blogging about anymore.  thanks for listening guys........I feel better.......have a good evening.

Well, I've been on strike for two days now and the house is sure telling off about it LOL.......I need to get off my butt and clean it up and I will directly.......my poor tomatoes are trying to grow but I've not been watering them properly......I need to do better if they respond to the soaking I gave them tonight....

Today I slept and relaxed and slept some more......in my own bed......boy that was nice......some idiot called me today supposedly from the mortgage company, they had our name and they had the right address, right mortgage company and all that....trying to sell me some kind of health insurance and send me a voucher for some free gas.......all I needed to do was give them my birthdate........notta.....no way I told her was I giving out that kind of information........next I feared she would want my social security number........no WAY........so I called the mortgage company and told them their info might have been compromised and what happened and how they should check into it......she said she would turn it into a manager.....so anyway, if it was some sort of phishing scheme I hope they hang them from the rafters.

Ashley came by for a short short today and the kids played........we ate take out from Sonic.......I just weren't in the mood for to cook LOL.........so I didn't do it.......Friday I have to get my shot........oh yay!  Not.........but I need it so I guess I'll go......I should have me a grocery list that morning and kill two birds with one stone is what I need to do......

The kids have kept the house looking so good as long as we had company.......I mean they REALLY did.......but now?  Humph!  toys everywhere.......I didn't TELL them to keep it looking good........they just automatically did it.......Sassy has finally gotten back into her routine of being in the house.......man, when all those folks showed up she vacated the premises and came back for food and water ONLY..... Micky-D was a bit more social......

Did I mention John is planning on doing the CDL thing?  My sister and her husband drive a truck and were talking about all the things that go with driving a truck.....the expense of the gas and all that and companies failing......I have a tendency to believe the truck driving industry is NOT going to fail though because folks have to eat and goods have to go from here to there........so I really believe it's going to keep going but the price might be reflected at the store and stuff and it has been ya know?  So I didn't listen to all that.....I'll tell you what I DID think about though.....and that is the way my dad was always gone when I was a kid and how John needs to find a local haul job so he's not gone all the dad-gummed time......if he cant and has to go over the road I guess I can handle it but I aint none to fond of the idea I'll tell ya that much.......but a body has to do what they have to do to eat ya know?

I hated the truck driving life and didn't see how anyone can pay bills doing it when you have to pay tolls........lumpers.......eat out all the time.......pay for showers......mom and dad did it and we lived pretty decent on that pay......but I dont know how.......ya know?  I'm just going to have to rely on the Lord to help us.....right now at this minute I'm trying not to even process what has all been going on with this lay-off business.......John said some of the better mechanics and maintenance got mad at them up there and walked out......that's not a good thing......he's sitting behind me looking through some kinds of papers and sighing......I dont want to ask, just dont want to know what it is he's looking at......

Well shoot.......I'm in a negative mood tonight and I dont know why.......maybe it was just looking that those poor tomato plants I dont know......maybe reality is scaring me a little I dont know......I keep hearing on the news and on blogs, "Gloom and DOOM" and well........I guess it's getting to me a little......I have three little kids in there playing and not thinking about grown up things and I dont want them to ever have too until time comes for them to have too when they are grown ups.......and then I want to be able to see them have schooling for it and have good paying jobs and resources......sometimes I think to myself........who cares about wall street.......I dont have any stocks and bonds and things on wall street dont really affect me because by golly when they are making a mint they dont pass it on to the little guys anyways ya know?  And that's the durned truth!  You EVER see a company move to Mexico and have cheaper labor and expenses turn around and lower the profits on there stuff?  Shoot no!  they never do.......they pocket that extra money.......the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil......and for folks like me.......money is a big focus for lack of it sometimes.......we've pretty much been having exactly what we need and now I dont know what's going to transpire......I'm just gonna have to be quiet and wait on the Lord......like I said before.........never in my life have I lost everything and didn't eventually end up with more than I had the last time........never in my life......the Lord has always been good......I'm just feeling a little worried cause I know He dont have to be that way and I dont deserve it when He is.......

I'm done......I'm done with this blooming blog........I dont even like thinking this way.  I dont like to worry and I dont like to fret and I sure dont like to be uncertain about tomorrow........darn it........hope you all have a good night........

Hello!  Well, I called my sister and she didn't leave those rocks there, but then I got to thinking and I remember........it seems like Alley brought them to me one time because she thought they were neat and at the time I thought it strange she brought me exactly five of them.......Robin used to tell mom and dad she loved them "five" because it was the biggest number she knew when she was little........."five" used to mean "I love you" between me and my ex because of that little story.....anyway, I remember now how I asked Alley could I keep them and then I put them in that general vicinity because I figured I might need that info later........well, as it turns out it came at a perfect time........so that's what was up with the rocks......dont get me wrong........it was still the Lord prompting the whole thing.....so anyway

Jen has been calling off and on this morning so if this blog seems stinted that is why.  She has a lot to talk about LOL........anyway..........

I slept really good in my own bed last night........man did I sleep good!  I needed it too, it's never easy to not have your own bed.........I guess I'm going to go.......Jen calling has messed up my blogging mood.......and I have no idea what I want to say now........Ashley is going to come over later and bring the kids and we'll have a visit which it's been awhile........in a couple weeks she's going to have the baby here finally and I'll get to see him......I look forward to that........I love kids and new babies are special.......anyway........you guys have a good day!

Well, everyone left by noon today........I started cooking the kids some raymon noodles for lunch after they were all gone and then I cried.....I almost cried while hugging daddy goodbye but I held it back......I ate me hot dog and then fixed that last cup of coffee out the pot I'd shared with Sally and Daddy this morning and cried some more and reflected on the last week or so......and how precious those people all are too me and how illusive they are all at the same time.......distance is a horrible thing between family members......especially with today's gas prices.  And I cant help but admit I had to wonder when I would see them all again and frankly it scares me sometimes that I wont......it had been so long since I'd seen Michelle that I was pretty durned amazed to be hugging her in my driveway when she got here.

Then I laid down and was listening to the news sorta....and my kids came into the room wondering could they play a video game........so I let them and the banter between them was so comforting.......so soothing......and John came in and rubbed my hair and kissed me......and I fell asleep peacefully and rested......and rested.

When I woke up John and Paige were asleep on the pillow's I'd put in the floor in Jess's room for me and Alley to sleep on as an extra bed LOL.......all the beds in the house were empty but they chose that spot in which to take a nap.......go figure.  Alley and Jess were still playing the video game........I made me some coffee and came in here to read blogs........and I've been thinking about how we all take each other forgranted sometimes......and how the petty stuff can so get in the way of the important stuff sometimes......I thought of my baby sister and how she wasn't here and yet could have been had things not gotten so messed up when we were last talking......if she'd been here it would have been the first time all of us would have been together except for mom in some eighteen years or so.......and it would have been nice.......

I found these rocks.......tiny ones from the indian burial ground on the counter laying where I always put my sugar container.......and I wondered if Michelle put them there for me for a reason.......the message would have been in the number of rocks that were there.......now if she didn't, then I will be convinced the Lord allowed it and caused it somehow and that it was a message from Him.......the message was, "I love you as much as there is love" and the author of the number of rocks was Robin when she was a baby......I will ask Michelle if she seperated some rocks out and placed them there and if she didn't, then I will know it was the doing of the Lord....a sign from Him.......and it will be one of the most profound things that has ever happened in my life as far as messages from God goes.......and if Michelle did it, then it will be a very endearing thing that I will tell her made me cry........which it did.....either way, someone loves me.........I already know God loves me.......but to leave a message like that at a time like this would really be something!

I guess John has decided on his CDL if he doesn't get called back to work.....I wonder what will be going on around here next year this time.......I wonder lots of things.  I just wonder what the Lord has in store for us and how things are going to go and I'm not even really wanting to talk about it much......I mostly just want to be silent and wait on God......I feel His presence so strongly today.......His love......I dont feel abandoned like I do a lot of times when Daddy goes home.....I feel like I'm in the arms of the almighty Father and safe and sound and at the water's edge and the breeze blowing through my hair listening to the birds singing........this is my Father's world.........remember that song?  I dont remember all the lyrics but the tune is clear in my head.......God has so much to show me........so much to tell me........so much He wants me to know and learn........and my sinful nature keeps us somewhat at arms length until I get a new body.......He can communicate with my spirit though and I feel Him today.......I feel him so strongly......no other companionship is really necessary for me right now......but He has blessed me these last few days with plenty of companionship and showed me that I am loved....

I dont need God to tell me verbally His intentions.......the love He's surrounding me with makes it all too clear........He has the very best in mind for me........the very best.

And there comes a time when you realize that when you have God, you have everything else you could possibly need or want.......for He provides for you and sustains it all........and if you have everything in the world and you dont have God, you have nothing, nothing whatsoever......folks, I'm not leaving any footprints in the sand right now........you understand that?  My feet are dangling and helpless to take me anywhere........for God is carrying me along right now and He's in control of it all.

Have a good day.........I love you guys out there........you are my online family so to speak and I love you guys.......I know that sounds weird coming from someone you've never met.....but I see the important part......the inside of many of you.....you're thought lives.......not your hair do or the outfit you are wearing in the store or which pew you occupy and church........I see your thought lives and sometimes your struggles and how you deal with it.....and I love you guys.......I firmly believe God has provided you in my life as well.....

I want to thank the Lord publicly for bringing as much of my family together these past few days as He could and would.......I want to thank Him also for the boundries He's placed in my life and I mean boundries of all kinds......from my finances to my friends to my family.......I thank Him for knowing where it is safest for me to roam and what is needed in my mind and my life for me to thrive.......I want to thank the Lord for the family He has provided me and the love I receive from them and for making them exactly who they are and I want to thank Him for leading, guiding and directing us as individuals and as a family together and I want to thank Him for the blessings He has bestowed upon us, for we deserve nothing and yet He provides.....and I want to thank Him for my christian friends online who encourage me and give me insight into who they are and how they handle things so that I might take pointers from them and I want to especially thank the Lord for answered prayer that increases the faith of those who love them and increases the quality of their lives and meets their needs.  I Praise the Lord for His infinite wisdom in all things and His mysterious ways of bringing about His will in the lives of those who love Him and for the times He reveals Himself to those of faith.......for His peace will endure forever......

Well folks........here we are........it has been a long time for all of us to be together like this.  Michelle is in the blue shirt.....my brother Shawn is in the red shirt and the then there is Dad and Sally and me and the kids......well, Alley isn't in the picture, I dont know where that little one was.......but anyway.......here we are all together.  I wish Robin had been here too.......anyway........

Today we got up and had coffee........Dad and Sally took Aunt Bonnie to t-town to pick up her new car (new to her) and mine and Michelle's crew went to McDonalds to pick up my brother from work and eat burgers and then to my cousin's house.....Michelle's kids went to a swimming party with one of his kids and I made quite a few trips between here and there today........we had KFC for supper and sat around drinking coffee and just visiting all evening.........it's been awesome today although pretty active........

Last night when Michelle and her husband got in it was late and we stayed up pretty late just visiting.........woke Dad up.......I'm pretty tired (can you tell?)  But I wouldn't trade all this for all the naps in the world LOL.......

Anyway.......I thought I'd give you a good look at us and I'll post more pictures later on my pictures section........

John has to go tomorrow to the seperation thingy at work........he really needs to get to bed but we are all lingering........anyway........I think I'm going to go lay down.  I am pretty tired......hope you all have a good week.

Hi ya'll.......hope you are having a good week and have a good weekend ahead of you......it's been hot out here so we've been kinda hibernating except for getting school clothes for the kids and for going to the lake that one day.......I would go today but I have to get some cleaning done to some blankets.....and a load of wash.....I'm feeling kinda tired.........took a long nap today since Dad was going to my aunt's house anyway.....

John just came and told me he was bored......LOL........DUH!  Me too......but leaving the house means spending money.......and I've been spending enough as it is lately.  The school clothes were planned......the computer chair was needed......and groceries have been great since dad got here because I've made stuff I dont normally for my own family......except the chicken and dumplings that is......those were a big hit......

My mind has been marked mostly lately with a void of deep thinking and I dont know how to act......I haven't even been thinking about John being laid off either.....it's been weird.......I just haven't been thinking......I'm busy absorbing......something about having Dad around just makes me feel like absolutely nothing can go wrong simply because he is near and if it did he would have the answer.......and I'm kinda that way about God too.......I've only heard one sermon lately that something was said that kinda struck me sideways.........the preacher......Jesse Duplantis, said "Bad things dont happen to good people, Good people happen to bad things"  And I thought and wondered.......if I've been able to affect anything positively lately.

The lady where John works let him in on a little secret.......in a couple months they are going to go to running two lines again and be making a different kind of board on one of them.....she told him to keep calling and asking if a job was available because they aren't keeping a call back list this time because last time so many of the people had already found jobs when they called them......

I was holding Paige and looking at that tiny little girl and those tiny hands and feet and then I looked at my own and thought how vunerable we all are......how fragile life is......and how unpredictable the future can be......and how being grounded in God is so very, very important.  I dont want to talk about the kids I see on tv who live in Africa and are so dependant upon the grace of others just to have the same meal over and over again just to sustain their lives......I cannot imagine the heartache that goes on over there every single day......I cant imagine what a lot of people go through.......

You know, my ex mother in law gave me some garden vegetables.......we have eaten good eating those.......and I was extremely greatful.......my little plants arent doing a whole heck of a lot......funny what fertilizer will do for a garden huh?  I have one hole of tomato plants that are doing nothing.......I mean nothing......and I have another hole of tomato plants that are putting on good......and I cant figure out why, now here is the funny thing......the only plants in the garden I actually "blessed" when I planted them were the cantelopes......I asked God to help them grow good simply because John loves cantelopes.......and they have blooms on their blooms.  If blooms are an indication, we should have cantelopes out the yin-yang when those things start producing.....

I've been feeling weird......detached a bit......I dont know why......I dont understand it.  Maybe it is an afteraffect to feeling so elated to my dad coming and then settling in to him staying longer than usual.......normally he comes and three days he's a pumpkin and has to go back......he probably would have went on somewhere else already but Michelle is coming in and I know he wants to visit with her some.....

I guess I'm going to go make me some coffee and sit here and think awhile, talk to the Lord some.....and just generally take advantage of this me time.....sure am feeling strange.......I dont know what to expect from one moment to the next right now and I dont know what to expect out of the future......everything feels up in the air and yet grounded all at the same time......I cant explain it.....maybe the problem is I'm not worrying and in the back of my mind something tells me I should be.  Or maybe it's that I'm looking for John to come up with a solution to what is going to take place about his job and he's avoiding even thinking about it as far as I can tell which makes me uneasy.......sometimes though, with John, his silence doesn't mean he's avoiding it inside........sometimes it just means he's not talking about it because he doesn't want too.  sometimes he's a doer and not a talker.......so I have no idea, I just think relaxing and not running around in circles with hands wringing in the air doesn't make much sense right now LOL.....I think I've had some overload and my brain refuses to process right now, that's what I think......hope you all have a good weekend!

Good afternoon ya'll.....I have been napping a lot this morning and this afternoon....it sure has been nice too......yesterday I went and bought a new computer chair....we needed one badly....also picked up some garden veggies from my ex-mother in law.  They were sure good......she gave me something called acorn squash......I cut it up and cooked it with a little brown sugar and some butter in the oven.......it was scrumptous that way.......I dont know any other way to cook it....we also had okra fried and some purple hull peas.......

I have found that me and daddy disagree in two areas.......one thing is, he likes his veggies cooked to death......peas, that's one thing.......but fried okra to me should go into hot grease, cook quickly and come out with still some okra flavor to it.....crunchy, but still with okra flavor.....the other thing is........I dont care HOW dirty the inside of a trash can gets......that's what the liner is for.......Daddy on the other hand prefers a clean inside to the trash can so guess what I had to clean yesterday?  Grrrrrr....oh well, that's what daddy's are for huh?  I told him I came really close to buying a new trash can since he was coming simply because I figured he'd say something about that!  Guess I should of......the amazing thing is, John has pointed out to me the need to clean it before too........I dont care.....I dont have to touch it......that's what the little foot thingy is there for right?  So you dont have to touch it?  Plus Dad has been OCD about cleaning my ashtrays.......I dont clean ashtrays either......oh he offered to clean the trash can, but I couldn't let him do it.....

We are thinking of going to the lake today.....Dad has gone to Aunt Bonnie's and she has opted to take the rest of the week off too in his honor LOL........not really......she hit a deer in her car and has to get it fixed......  I need to get woke up good......I've been napping and had a weird dream.....

I haven't told the kids we are talking about going swimming yet.....just in case....I dont want them to freak out in case we dont.....but we most likely will......I like the lake this time of year......the water is just right for swimming.......

Well, I might blog later........I dont know, depends on what is on my brain.....lately I've been in input mode for the most part.......

Well, I didn't find myself blogging today so here I am in the wee hours of the morning.  Today Dad went to spend time with my aunt so we took off to Hot Springs and got some school clothes for the kids on sale.......they had a really great sale on stuff for Jess........stuff for Alley was a bit more sparse so she got less stuff, but she needed less stuff too........anyway.......we got them both some clothes and some sketcher shoes........I had no idea how expensive those dudes were and repented at the cash register.........I hope they make me proud I bought them and last real good the whole year long.......John has been enjoying riding.......ever since he found out I CAN drive in town he gets me to do it now........the kids hear a lot less cussing so I guess that's not such a bad deal and I'm getting used to doing it again........I was years out of practice......

It was a nice outing for us and the mall was neat........I didn't know they were a carpeted inside like that.......it looked kinda rich.......bought Jess a video game he and Alley can play........he likes it......Iron man!  Went to the candy store......my favorites are those gummie berries.......the ones that have the outside like little seeds all over them.......I love those things but cant have too many of them.....John always goes for the cinnamon bears........Paige just took what John showed her to get and Jesse went for anything and everything yellow........Alley got herself quite a bit of rock candy and candy necklaces were in order.......anyway........we had fun in there.  And it was Arby's for lunch......and shrimp for supper......cant say we had a bad day atall.........

Not only that, we went by the doc's and he looked at John's back where the incision is and gave him the ok to go swimming in the lake......he even said it would likely be good for him to do that.......so hopefully we can go soon and do that......it's the perfect weather for it.....we are all so tired of being cooped up in the house and dont want to overspend on doing anything........swimming is not that expensive.......

Now, let me tell you what Lady Belle did........yesterday we came home from my uncle's and that dog was on the porch waiting right?  So today we left and went to the doc's and came back home, she was out........John put her in the backyard and when we left he'd not checked the door so I backed up and she was out again.....no place had she dug out........so apparently she'd been climbing the fence......so he whipped her and sent her back to the house because she desperately wanted in the car......she went to the house but as soon as we pulled away she tried to follow.  I told John I refuse to stay home hostage to a disobedient dog.........and got on down the road........so we came home as soon as shopping was over because we were kinda concerned about her even though we'd put water on the porch in case she had gotten out again........well.........we pulled up in the yard and she wasn't on the porch and John figured she was gone for good........but I looked at the fence and there she was!  She was in the back yard!  That dog had DUG her a hole to get back into the back yard where she belonged!  I have NEVER in my born days seen a dog put themselves back where they were supposed to be before!  I'm telling you.....she is a keeper!  LOL

Fences are a funny thing.......to some people they represent boundries and they long to push the boundries and explore the boundries and lots of people tend to want to do completely away with the boundries........they see them and confining......I guess today Lady Belle learned to look at that fence in a different light......it meant she belonged somewhere......she was safe there and all that we provided for her to have to make her comfortable could be found within those boundries......and even though we were temporarily away from home, she knew we always eventually return and let her in the house.....she learned to trust those boundries and not to view them as a restriction........but as protection maybe.......familiarity.....and directly connected to people who love her........kids are like that I think if you do it right......and so are we when we learn to trust the boundries God sets in our lives.......we might not understand why they are there or what He has in mind......but one thing is for certain, if we trust them and submit to them........then I think God honors that.  Funny how the Lord teaches things if you take the time to listen......this is a lesson I've never thought about........

You see, I've had lots of boundries in my life for the last ten years.......I quit questioning them and just lived with them.......so me and Lady Belle, we have something in common there........and now I understand too, that just because it seems like God might be busy and AWOL, doesn't mean I'm not on His mind and it doesn't mean He isn't thinking of me and watching over me......and I'm really better off if I mind the boundries and help Him to help me.......I hope and pray God helps me to understand the boundries....I dont need to see the dog catcher.......I dont need to see the possible destruction that happens if you dont mind the boundries.  All I need to do is trust where God put me and His reasons for doing so and I'm better off not know what could happen if I stray........this is good lesson for my kids too when I need to point it out the them one day........

Anyway.........I hope you all have a good day........I need to go to bed but I'm kinda wired on coffee and this revelation I just found in the lesson about Lady Belle.  I didn't think of it that way till my fingers typed it out LOL........learn to love your boundries........learn to trust the Lord.......He is so good and wonderful and only has our best interests at heart.......peace.......

Good evening you guys.......this morning I listened to preaching with my Dad and his wife on the tv, then at about church time I went to a local church......a tiny little place it was compared to the other two I'd gone too........these people durned near shook my hand off so many of them shook my hand!  The preacher walked the isle to preach, the kids were not in children's church but were in the congregation and these people are way laid back and seem to all love each other.......it was an amazing atmosphere........I think perhaps I've found my church.....three little girls got babtized this morning who got saved at church camp........praise the Lord!  So anyway, I felt right at home.......

After services I came home and cooked a pizza before we went over to my uncle Larry's house and that was one COOL visit.......aunt Deb took the kids in hand right away and turned on the tv to spongebob and then brought out some toys for them to play with........the woman understands kids!  Her flowers were beautiful and numerous, she had humming birds flying around outside, the house is beautiful and well, I just really enjoyed myself.......(graham cracker crust, cream cheese and sugar middle and peaches with some peach jello fixed special on top....what a dessert!)

Dad and his wife, Sally, went to see if they could catch my other uncle in town and I'm home cooking some dumplings for supper.......they are sure smelling good too!

It's been a really great day........I mean a REALLY great day.......hope you all have a good night!

Well tonight we watched the fireworks in town.....my aunt's house is not the best place to do this because of the distance and the trees.......but we still saw them....next year we'll do what we normally do I guess......it was a nice day.......I napped and then we went over there after we ate and sat in the yard awhile.....wow, that yard holds so many memories.......

Then we came home and I bathed the kids so they'll be clean for tomorrow......I do believe I'm going to go to church tomorrow even though daddy is here.......and I think I'm going to try a church I haven't been too yet.....it's called trinity Babtist.....daddy told me he thinks the first christian church I went too was an offshoot from the pentecostals.......but they didn't do any tounge talking or anything so I dont know, but I bet they do communion every single sunday from what I read of their package they gave me......I'll decide in the morning what I want to do for sure......

When I went to the grocery store I thought to myself how I had worked to make things all nice for my dad and easy for him and Sally and how I was fixin to go buy a goodly amount of groceries to feed him decent while he's here and then it dawned on me to ask myself........do I go to this kind of length for my heavenly Father?  I dont think I do enough.......to make things easy for God to do His job.......and I wondered in passing what I could do to make things easier for the Lord......I will try to put more thought into it later.......maybe I do enough, but I cant imagine that being possible, not when I compare it to what the Lord has done for me......it's not a salvation thing I'm talking about here........it's a love thing.......

Boy, Rhonda wrote one heck of a blog you guys.......if you haven't seen it go and read it.......it would really bless you......it did me.......my mind is in spiritual places tonight in such a way as it renders language useless.......do you ever get that way?  Nothing special has occurred to bring this feeling about.......it's just a feeling......just a contentment and a feeling of wanting to be still and listen for the sound of my Shepherd's voice......

I guess I'm going to go now and finish my coffee and see if I can catch a sermon before bed.......have a good day!

Hello......we are having a regular day around here for now.....grandma and grandpa went to visit daddy's sister......we dont plan to go over there till after supper.....want the kids to see the fireworks and dont want to do a lot of driving back and forth to eat so.....anyway.....I hope they enjoy themselves over there......I'm sure they all will.....

I'm kinda tuckered out.......I plan to sleep some today and recharge my batteries.....

Dad was talking about going to the diamond mine.....I told him they could go to it but we would go to the water park because it's too hot out there to be sitting in a big field like that digging in the dirt......I might venture to put myself through that sometime, but not my kids........and Aunt Bonnie mentioned about going to Uncle Larry's how the kids had a big place in the yard to play.....well, I have news for everyone........if the idea is to go to Uncle Larry's and force the kids to stay outside and I see that is the gist of things while the adults sit in the air conditioner, we wont be staying very long.....I remember being a kid and being corralled outside all the time in the heat and dismissed like that and it aint happening for long with my kids.  I can be at home with them easier than that.......

Well, I have pizza on for the kids and I think I'm going to go lay back down and finish taking advantage of this quiet time.......hope you all have a good weekend.

Good evening everyone......today was a good day......we had a get-together here at the house and everyone ate good and the boys went and played pool out in the garage and my brother was here but all went well......I got a short nap today but the phone rang shortly into it and I got woke up.......I sure was sleeping good too!

I guess Dad and Sally are going to my aunt's house tomorrow for a bit......I plan to take a luxurious nap.......and since I'm planning that it likely wont happen! ROFLOL  But I am going to try LOL.......tomorrow evening after supper we will go over there to watch the big fireworks in town........you can see them from my aunts house.......

I didn't play pool.......usually when people are I let the folks play who dont live here and then when I'm here alone I never play LOL.........silly me.......I should be a shark by now!  I always feel so comfortable when my dad is about.......and when he leaves to go home I always feel slightly abandoned and I cry every time.....I think the kid in me still believes I'm not all grown up yet.....mom doesn't do that to me.......I feel a kind of loss when she left the last time........but not like with dad.......anyway, I'm dreading that feeling.......

They plan to go to Hot Springs and to visit my aunt Pat too.......she lives in Pine Bluff.  So they are going to stay in Arkansas for a while but not all the time here.......

I'm drinking my chocolate coffee right now.......Sally dont like that kind so I waited till they went to bed and made me some.........I'm addicted.....I havent been watching my preaching the last couple days too and I miss that........but I dont know how other people feel about watching that so........

You know........I feel so content right now.......this very minute.....I have the tv on my preaching and I have my chocolate coffee and my daddy is right in the next room and my kids are in the other room.......and my husband is being a tv hog in there LOL

We have been invited to my Uncle Larry's house Sunday.......it will be nice to see his house and all but I know I'm likely to be so busy corralling my kids I wont have time to visit.....I dont leave them outside on their own and things like that and I dont know how it's going to go but I'm imagining a house full of pretties as her kids are grown and well.......I dont know.......anyway.......but I'm happy for the invite anyway.....

I was getting coffee and Alley came and hugged me from behind......those tiny arms!  I remember back when I didn't have much to do with kids.......they were these little entities that belonged to other people you know.......then I married David and the first time his boys hugged me and they were small........wow.......I remember thinking what a contrast it was having those tiny arms around me compared to what I was accustomed to......which was a husband.....I was kind of awestruck by that feeling of those tiny arms around me.......and I guess I've never lost that........the capacity for a child to love.......and as much as I love my dad still.......I mean......I'm thinking that my kids are going to view me that way someday maybe........or maybe they wont.

You see, there is something special that happens in a child who feels unwanted.  The contrast between one parent who doesn't want you and a parent who does teaches you not to take love for granted......and the capacity for a child to love is so awe inspiring......I dont take love for granted.......at least I try not too.......you wanna know a secret?  I think I do take John for granted way too much.......I just know he loves me......I dont know WHY he loves me......I just know he does and his capacity for love is pretty awe inspiring too........

Things might be tough right now and he might be laid off but you know what?  I am one of the luckiest people I know in the world.......I am surrounded by people who love me and people who I love and that is pretty special......you cant put a price on that......God is wonderful isn't He?!  I consider myself rich beyond measure.....not only that......I have great friends on here too.......you guys are wonderful....

The bed I slept in last night had some pretty obvious springs in it LOL.......so once I became aware of the situation I put the newer mattress on top......I think I'll sleep a lot better tonight......I was tired last night and I'll be tired again tonight.......but I'm stoking up on coffee LOL........

We called to see about refinancing the house for a lower interest rate......they said all we need is for John to secure another job and we can do it no problem, one pay stub is all they need......we have a good history and they will try to help us if we need it, we'll see how everything goes.........John is talking about going to school to be a truck driver again......I pointed out to him that that means being gone for long periods at a time probably or possibly at first until he gets some experience and asked him if he really and truly wants to do that.......he seems to feel like he would like it.....so if that's what he decides then I guess we'll go with it........I like having him home though......I'd rather live on less money and stuff and have my husband home.  The kids would miss him terribly too if he was gone for long periods of time.....

Michelle is still talking about coming so that's looking good.........but them being truck drivers I dont know......we'll see......I dont count on anything when the next load dictates someone's lifestyle......

I've been thinking about my Aunt Pat lately too........I found out that she's not confident about going off by herself anymore like she used to be and I didn't know that......we haven't seen her in a long time.......I'm thinking we need to go visit a couple days but not when Dad goes.......I dont want her overloaded with company.  But maybe sometime before school starts while John is still off work......depending upon what happens and how the finances look......a couple days wouldn't be so bad.  I sure do hate to ride though......but I'd sure like to see her........there again, I worry I'd be busy corralling kids but it'd likely be worth it......she's been so very good to us over the years.......

Well, Joyce Meyer is coming on and I want to hear what she has to say so I'm going to go for now........hope you all had a good fourth........I haven't had time to think, but now that I do........

I remember ball games at grandma's house.......homemade ice cream with us kids having to sit on the maker while a grown up turned the handle, barbie dolls with my Aunt Peggy.......lots of talk over a table full of garden vegetables while grandma sat quietly listening to her children.  I often wondered what was going through her mind.  Stories they told about when they were younger and all lived together.  Somehow I thought that tradition would be handed down from them to us someday and it would be all us siblings getting together and doing that.......but it didn't work out that way.......hope you have a good weekend!

I cant shut down my mind.......so I've poured myself a mudslide and decided to blog as I drink it........hopefully this will work and sleep will come........

Daddy got here safe and sound, he and Sally.....and we are having a nice visit so far.  It was pork chops for supper.......they went over really well too......

Rhonda was asking where I start when I get going with my thoughts......and I was thinking about that intensely.......the first thought I'm consciously aware of having in my life was when I was little and in the high chair and granny was ironing......I was watching how the wrinkles came out of the clothes so easily with this device and marvelling at how pretty they looked when she was through........I remember looking at my hand and thinking how wrinkled it was......how pretty it would be if it was smooth......so then the phone rang.....granny looked at the door that would take her to the phone and looked at me back and forth a bit flustered and worried......then she told me "dont touch......" and went to answer the phone......as soon as she was out of sight I looked at my hand......then I looked at the iron......and I pressed my hand flat against the iron and I remember screaming.......I dont know what age I was but I'm pretty sure I was two or younger......

I think the way I was raised had a lot to do with my thinking processes......I had to learn to think outside the box.......when your mom is bi-polar and unpredictable then you have to try to be two steps ahead all the time.......which means utilizing your imagination......and trying to develop logical deduction all at the same time.

So when I get input.......I dont always just take it for what it is and leave it at that.  I chew on it.......I look at different angles, I try to make sense of everything even though I know we live in a world that is sometimes senseless.......

When I meet people I'm usually analyzing them for a long time before I actually open up to them........I open up a lot more on the net than anywhere because first of all, no one can tell me to shut up LOL.......second of all.......people living miles away are non threatening to me for the most part because they cant affect my reputation or my life......I cant answer where my thoughts begin sometimes because that gets lost somewhere in the process.......I can tell you this though.........I could most likely count on one hand how many times I've planned a blog and wrote it to it's conclusion as I planned.......most of the time I'm either running off at the head in general or just picking a subject.......but I dont really plan what I'm going to say......and you know what?  Sometimes I think I say some pretty cool stuff......but I'm certain a professional could say it even better......sometimes I dont say what I think.........do you want to know a secret?

I have this fear.......this fear that I might have the gift of prophecy.....and I firmly believe that the Lord will bring about what someone like that says because they said it and it has to come to pass......so sometimes I fear saying things that come to mind and I'm not above telling people not to say negative things either......for fear they will come true........that somehow speaking it will give it life.......

In my twenties I used to predict stuff a lot just for fun......mostly looking at things like the likelyhood of something happening and things like that.......and you'd be surprised at the results I had.......but I never knew if it was a gift or just amazing powers of observation ya know?

Take this car for instance.......my ex bought me a car.......the NICEST thing we'd ever owned.........I mean it was NICE......red......contemporary, not ancient.......and in great condition......I looked at it and couldn't believe he'd bought me something like that.  But there was a problem.......when I sat down in the car it gave me the heeby jeebies.  you know.......I told my ex when I sat down in it that I didn't like the car at all.......he asked me why?  What was there not to like?  And I told him I couldn't put my finger on it, but the car felt like death to me and I didn't like it and I didn't want it and I wouldn't drive it.......and I didn't either.........but one day we decided we were going to go visit some friends in northern arkansas and he wanted to take that car.  I had my reservations, but I went anyway..........we got there fine........no problems.

But on the way home.......he'd passed a whole slew of diesals and we were way out in front and suddenly I saw this tire going up the road all by itself......I wondered, but before I could wonder long it dawned on me........and I began to pray fiercely....the car came down on that axle and somehow we didn't flip and he managed to get the car off to the side of the road and go look for the tire.......and then I told him, "SEE! I TOLD you that car felt like death to me!"  It never got driven again........that's just one example in a sea of tiny little things here and there........

Now see what I mean?  I meant to come here to talk about my thought life and wound up telling you all this......call it the brain of a crazy person LOL..........or the brain of a person who cant stick to the subject........at any rate.......the spirit of prophecy is not something I would feel comfortable having.......I like to think of myself as having intuition........really GOOD intuition sometimes when I really need it.  But I dont think that's it at all........I think it's a GOD thing......

Wanna know what I spoke to Him about tonight?  Do ya?  Well, I've been bombarded a lot by people thinking I should be in church and have my kids in church......so I defended myself to the Lord about my reasoning......I told Him that when I was little my dad really affected me a lot and he only talked about God a little bit, but he showed me the longsuffering of God with his actions.......then I talked to the Lord about how I know I dont talk to the kids about Him all the time but I try to witness to them everyday by the way I act toward them and others and by the way I try to carry myself and by bringing Him up in conversation.......God is by NO means, a stranger in my home..........nor is He someone I leave hanging at the church on Sunday to go and visit once in a while either........so I just explained to the Lord that I try to witness everyday and I use words when necessary........I hope He understands.......that my kids know the touch of a loving mom and my patience and my listening qualities and my general way with them and I talk about God......He is not some entity at church where they MUST be still and quiet and reverant (nothing wrong with reverant) and go against their basic nature to talk and wiggle.......I dont know if God understands my reasoning.........but I think maybe He did......for now anyway......I also thanked Him for my five senses.......the ones that I use to communicate with my kids.......and the ability it gives me to see them and smell them and touch them and hear their laughter......do you know how valuable things like that are?

Ok......my drink is finished and I need to go finish praying.......hope you all have a good fourth..........I expect most of you will be too busy to blog LOL.......I might be. We are going to have a cook out over here.........yea!  At my house!  Imagine that?!  Maybe that's why I'm so worked up huh?  Have a good one and remember the Lord today.......you know........we have so VERY much to be grateful for........so VERY much.

Well......found out earlier today........John is definitely caught up in the lay-off.....so once he gets cleared to work again then he will have to look for another job.

Aside from that, I've been cleaning a little here and a little there all day long at my own pace and frankly, it's looking pretty durned presentable around here......so when my dad gets here tomorrow it should all be well.  It would anyway but I just want the place looking nice is all......when everyone gets up in the morning I'll have to yank the sheets and wash them......get them back on the bed......I went and bought a new matt for in front of the kitchen sink, the old one was looking awful.........I also went and got blinds for the kitchen and the door......the ones in the kitchen were looking very dirty but I didn't feel like washing them.....so I bought some and they were too short........so I decided if I was going to have to remove hardware I was just going to up and put up my curtains which I like better anyway.......so I did......and it looks loads better and you can wash curtains easier than washing blinds.....course they are summer curtains and I might need to buy some winter ones for the winter when the time comes but hey.........

John said that tomorrow he is going to call and see if we can refinance the house for cheaper payments........now that his credit is better and now that we've made over a year of payments on time and all that then hopefully they can give us a cheaper interest rate and cheaper payments........it's worth a try........there are three houses for sale on this block and the company would not make out that good if they had to foreclose......so hopefully they will work with us......not that we are expecting things to get that bad.......but it never hurts to plan ahead.......they might say no since he just got laid off.......then again they might show some decency and help us.......we'll see.

I'm going to have to call and get on Medicare B and see about getting the stuff started to get the kids on arkids again.......I'm hating all this but it's what we are going to have to deal with so.......

This morning she (the lady at the plant) told me they are cutting one whole shift and going to one line instead of two........lots of folks are going to be hurting......last time they had this lay-off business I looked at Saint-Gobain's website and they had just bought a plant doing the same thing in Vietnam......and frankly, I'm betting you they are selling the contracts from this plant to that plant and I wouldn't bet on anyone's job being safe for too much longer if they see they dont need this plant to stay open to fill the orders.......I hope not for the sake of those still there who've been there for years.......but it wouldn't surprise me in the least.  What really bothers me is not knowing how John's back is going to do once he does start working again.  My aunt told me to tell him not to sign any kind of release of responsibility at the plant just in case......cant say I blame her......I think it was wise advice.......

He might go to school to get trained for something else........last time he was thinking of truck driving.......I think welding might be a good thing......he can weld as far as a jack of all trades goes......but he's not certified.......so I dont know if that's what he wants to do or not.......in any case.......I'm just hoping and praying for the best.  I recon the Good Lord knows exactly what He is doing and we are just going to have to count on that.......

Well, I have to go and start vacuuming the couches and the floors and sweeping and mopping a bit......I'm on the tail end of what all I have to do and tomorrow when everyone wakes up the house should be good and ready for grandma and grandpa to show up........Dad says they get up at five and go to bed at ten or ten thirty......so that means they might likely be on the road at seven and if they came halfway today then they will only have six hours to drive.......which should put them here pretty early.  Unless they stop and check things out along the way.......

Michelle says she wont get vacation till the fourteenth.......so she will likely miss daddy but maybe she will still come.......I hope so.......anyway.......gonna go for now and get the rest of my rat-killing took care of........ya'll have a good night and sweet dreams to each and every one of you!